This is kind of an update to the post Dating in Your 40s #WithIssues from a month ago.
So, for anyone who’s never experienced general anxiety—it’s like a second skin that covers you and whispers everything that could go wrong with whatever you’re doing. I get this feeling at work, like when I launch a new website, it’s going to fail because I forgot to do something. I get this feeling when I’m writing, like I’ve forgotten a book launch. I get this feeling in my personal life—like this past weekend when I thought way too hard about whether or not I should get my boyfriend a Valentine’s Day card.
Anyone whose brain never shuts off will know exactly what that means. You have conversations with yourself at dinner, in the shower, while you’re waiting for your conference call to start. You talk yourself into it, and then you talk yourself out of it. What if he thinks it’s too soon? Do I want to open myself up like that? What if he gets me one and I don’t have one for him? What kind of card? Funny and playful? Serious and romantic? This went on, I kid you not, for three days. It was still going on when I went to Publix and picked up the popcorn and Coke in glass bottles to go with the movie I’d gotten him. I decided against the card—I didn’t know what to write in it that wouldn’t make me sound like a fucking teenage girl. So I just went with movie night in a box.
When he arrived on Sunday evening, he had roses, a gift, and a fucking card.
When I opened my gift, it was a little stuffed Hulk—anyone who knows me knows that I’m a huge fan of the Hulk. This means, he’d been paying attention. The flowers were beautiful and then when I opened the card and read it, the sentiment was incredibly sweet.
We spent the weekend eating ice cream, watching The Walking Dead, and picking out the shore excursions for our cruise in October. I can’t even imagine what our relationship will be like by then. We’ll still be together, because we’re both in things for the long haul here. Just like my characters, we’ve both worked and fought hard for our happiness.